Tuesday, April 21, 2009

In Class Project

I think that teenagers are able to use other sites like youtube to get out their thoughts and put their homemade videos. However, unlike listen up, youtube isn't completely devoted to teenagers. By having listen up teens can easily go and find other work done by their peers. It is also sponsored by people who appreciate and realize that teenagers have voices that need to be heard. Also on the site there are links to other projects that are being done to raise awareness about teen issues through media.

Monday, April 20, 2009

10. Listen Up

So I didn't really like this site or find any interesting videos. Being the raging homo that I am, the first thing I searched for was "gay", but alas I didn;t really find anything interesting there. There was a documentary about a center for GLBT teens in Minneapolis which wasn't bad. I did find one that completely relates to Prensky though, it's called We Are Digital Natives and they probably did it after reading Prensky's piece.

I understand the "talking back" part because these kids use this site and their videos to get their messages out and voice their opinions about whatever they want.

Monday, April 6, 2009

9. Henry Jenkins Interview and "Testing Horace Mann"

In his interview, Henry Jenkins talks about Myspace and why kids use it, the appeal behind it and he also discusses the controversy surrounding it. He says there are some educational benefits for kids who are on social networking sites, and teachers who realize this are starting to integrate technology into their classrooms more. Also, he talks about the dangers associated with it and how parents can learn to use it and protect their kids from pedophiles and predators.

The Testing Horace Mann article was about a Facebook scandal at a private school, where students were using Facebook to slam their teachers and when the teachers found out, they wanted the students punished. However, it was hard because the parents of these students were all very prominent, and many served on the board and had a lot of weight. As a result of this, they wanted teachers that were named on Facebook fired, because they accessed the students' pages, but their own children did not get punished for writing the obscene material.

I didn't understand why the teachers were getting in so much trouble for looking at the students' Facebook pages. The pages were public and the teachers have every right to be on the site; it is open to everyone after all.

Both articles relate to Prensky's "Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants". Teenagers are the majority of users on myspace and Facebook and this is because they are the digital natives Prensky talks about. Also, in "Testing Horace Mann" the teachers had to go to a meeting where they were taught by someone from the technology department about how to access Facebook and make their own accounts. The teachers are the digital immigrants.

I find it really funny that in the almost 3 years since the Henry Jenkins' interview, some of his answers are no longer applicable. Danah said, "MySpace has over 78 million registered accounts while Facebook has approximately 8 million. While over 85% of college students participate on Facebook if it exists on their campus" however it doesn't matter anymore if you're in college or what to be on Facebook. I remember it was a big thing my senior year of high school when Facebook started letting high schoolers on and it was awesome for me because a bunch of my friends were in college. Actually, at the time this was posted high schoolers were being allowed to use it, and had been for at least a few months.

I also found it funny that they say "young people feel more comfortable sharing aspects of their lives (for example, their sexual identities) that previous generations would have kept secret" in regards to Myspace. I was the same way for Facebook at least, once I changed my interested in to women it was like whatever I don't care who knows, and i first did that while I was still attending my Catholic college and basically no one was out. Also by doing that, other family members (like cousins and such) could see it, but I didn't care anymore. I have told all of my immediate family, except for my brother who I never really see or talk to, but hey, he has Facebook too so he can see it.

The "Testing Horace Mann" article reminds me of my own hometown, where the police troll Facebook pages and groups and then people complain about what is being said online and the pictures that are up in the town newspaper because that is apparently the only thing newsworthy in Barrington. On the one hand I understand why they're all so upset about what i being said online, and I think the kids are stupid when they put up pictures that can clearly get them into trouble, but at the same time they still need an outlet to vent, and sites like Facebook are the places they do that.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

8. News Articles

1. Teenagers’ Internet Socializing Not a Bad Thing
This article, written by Tamar Lewin, says that teens may spend a lot of time on their computers and phones, but this behavior isn't bad, like parents think. Mizuko Izo, lead researcher on the study, “Living and Learning With New Media" say, “It may look as though kids are wasting a lot of time hanging out with new media, whether it’s on MySpace or sending instant messages...But their participation is giving them the technological skills and literacy they need to succeed in the contemporary world. They’re learning how to get along with others, how to manage a public identity, how to create a home page.”

This article relates to the Prensky piece, "Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants" because it talks about how teenagers are the digital natives and they are on their computers all the time, instant messaging, and texting but they also use the computer to learn how to do things for themselves. According to Prensky, "the single biggest problem facing education today is that our Digital immigrant instructors, who speak an outdated language (that of a pre-digital age), are struggling to teach a population that speaks an entirely new language" (Prensky 2). Lewin wrote "“New media allow for a degree of freedom and autonomy for youth that is less apparent in a classroom setting,” the study said. “Youth respect one another’s authority online, and they are often more motivated to learn from peers than from adults". Teenagers are turning to their peers to learn more, especially about computers and technology, because adults are less likely to know how to do it.


2. Column: Cell phones a hazard for teen drivers only? Yeah, right
This piece by Ric Anderson is his attempt to denounce the laws that prohibit only teen drivers from using phones and other technology while driving. In it he is driving while talking on the phone and getting distracted by all these other gadgets he has. He does it to show that to say that all teens are reckless, unskilled drivers and that all adults are capable of driving while talking on their phones is ridiculous. He says, "Anyway, I'm sure some people will say the lawmakers were gutless and should have made it illegal for drivers of any age to use cell phones. But everybody knows that once you reach a certain age, you become a safe and responsible driver with the ability to handle all sorts of electronic gadgetry and drive at the same time. I mean, duh."

This article relates to Prensky as well, but instead of saying that only adolescents use technology and it interferes with their driving, Anderson points out that adults have many forms of entertainment and communication that they too use while driving, and being adults does not mean they can handle it any better or are better drivers and can therefore multitask.

3. VINELAND: Police, SPCA file charges against teenager who drowned friend's kitten
A 16 year old girl is getting charged after stealing and killing her friend's 1-month old kitten. The friend called the police after the 16 y.o. left and when they went to her foster parent's house they found the dead kitten in the front yard. SPCA officers took the kitten away. The girl wouldn't tell why she did it, but did say that she drowned it in the bathroom sink. DCYF also showed up and the girl was going to be evaluated. She also said she didn't want to return to her foster parents.

Monday, March 30, 2009

7. Greenfield: Fast Forward

Lauren Greenfield's photos for Fast Forward capture kids and teenagers in L.A. and though these photos Greenfield shows "the early loss of innocence in a media-saturated society and how kids are affected by the culture of materialism, the cult of celebrity, and the emphasis on image". The phenomenon that is most seen in these photos is "getting older younger"; her photos show young girls obsessed with their weight and appearances. The young boys seem to only care about women, and have posters of half naked women on their walls, even thought they're ten.

She contrasts the rich, white kids with the poorer, ethnic ones and while these photos show how these teenagers are different, they can also be used to show the similarities between all different types of kids, no matter the age, class, or race. She says in her artist statement, "thanks to programs like Sex and the City and its widespread popularity among teenagers, one doesn’t have to grow up in Beverly Hills to know Prada and Jimmy Choo and desire them. Versace and DKNY are worn in the inner-city of South Central L.A. Starbucks, Gap, Puff Daddy and J-Lo unite Kansas City and Edina, Minnesota, rich and poor".

I understand that kids want to be older and everything, but I don't get why parents give in and let their kids dress (or not dress as it seems) in clothes that are revealing and inappropriate for ten year olds and give their kids whatever they want. This is just one of many subjects that makes me really upset.

Greenfield's artist statement relates to the third assumption, that media matters and popular culture is not just a form of entertainment; "Film, television, music, advertising, fashion and other forms of popular culture shape the daily lives of all Americans whether we celebrate or resist the influence". Greenfield says, "By the time I was done, this body of work had become about something that went beyond L.A.; the early loss of innocence in a media-saturated society and how kids are affected by the culture of materialism, the cult of celebrity, and the emphasis on image".

I thought it was disturbing how focused on weight the little girls were and especially in that one photo, how the parents seem to go along with it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

commercial

So I saw a commercial for multivitamins for teens, it was like the his and her KY but with vitamins. I tried to find the actual commercial online, but instead I found this, which is someone else ranting about it.

Also this person goes off on it, and even references the actual site.

Monday, March 2, 2009

6. Sittenfeld: "Prep"

Curtis Sittenfeld's Prep starts a month into Lee's first year at Ault, a boarding school in Massachusetts. Lee is a poor girl from Indiana on scholarship surrounded by rich kids; talking to Cross, she says "So you always knew you would go to boarding school?" to which he replies, "Pretty much" (53). Lee struggles to fit in and find friends. In the beginning, she also has a little struggle with her sexuality, over her obsession with Gates.

Lee says, "All of this was still in the beginning of the year, the beginning of my time at Ault, when I was exhausted all the time by both my vigilance and my wish to be inconspicuous. At soccer practice, I worried that I would miss the ball, when we boarded the bus for games at other schools, I worried that I would take a seat by someone who didn't want to sit next to me, in class I worried I would say a wrong or foolish thing. I worried that I took too much food at meals, or that I did not disdain the food you were supposed to disdain-Tater Tots, key lime pie-and at night, I worried that Dede or Sin-Jun would hear me snore. I always worried someone would notice me, and then when no one did, I felt lonely" (15). I feel bad for her because she is so far from home, and it sucks to be in that situation even if you are at a public school close to home.

I don't understand why Lee's parents aren't more supportive of her, or if she's so lonely why she doesn't call home more often.

This relates to Hine's The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager; in the chapter "The Teenage Mystique", Hine talked about how after WWII there "was the assumption that all young people, regardless of their class, location, or ethnicity, should have essentially the same experience, spent with people exactly their age, in an environment defined by high school and pop culture" (Hine 11). Prep shows that this is not true. These students go to the same school but do not have the same experiences. The students at Ault are separated by rich and poor. Dede does not have the same experience as Gates and Lee certainly doesn't. Even Sin-Jun and Lee have different experiences, even though they both have few friends.

I think after spending the holiday with Cross and his friends, Lee sees that boys are easier to get along with and are not judgmental like all the girls in her dorm. They hung out with her and were able to joke around and not care that she was not all done up and rich. I was also a little disappointed when Lee's interest in Gates faded and then after the day trip she started to like Cross (and he possibly liked her too). It was interesting, but I would've liked it better if it had a lesbian romance or even had Lee turn out to be gay.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Commitment Ceremony

Don't know if anyone's seen this, but I think it's awesome. It's also one of the pieces from She Likes Girls 3.

5. Rose: Interview with NPR and Time

Tricia Rose in her interview with NPR talks about women in Hip-Hop and how women have to do more to prove themselves credible as MCs and lyricists, while defending their sexuality. Rose says, "women have to address in hip-hop, at some point, their relationship to sexuality"; whether they take the Lil' Kim route to be "a rhyming stripper" or Queen Latifah who is "the tough gangster girl" and has her sexuality questioned. Rose says to make it in hip-hop you pretty much have to be hypersexual or hypertough and in commercial hip-hop women have become further marginalized and under appreciated women.

Her interview with Time Magazine on the other hand is about her book The Hip Hop Wars and how mainstream hip-hop is dead. She discusses hip-hop artists that don't sell as well as the more mainstream ones do; there's "this idea that a certain kind of sexual deviance or violent behavior defines black culture has had a huge market in commercial mainstream culture for at least 200 years. Also, sexist images, which hip-hop has a lot of, seem to do very well across the cultural spectrum. So sexuality and sexual domination sell. Racial stereotypes sell". Artists like Mos Def, Common, and Talib Kweli don't fit into these stereotypes that other hip-hop artists accept. Rose says that hip-hop hasn't always been so commercial; instead, "it was mostly for fun and for play. It wasn't primarly [sic] an economic industry, where people got involved more for money than for creativity. It had live community origins". In these interviews Rose discusses how Hip-Hop has changed from the beginning and how women rappers are forced into roles and if an artist wants to be successful, according to mainstream, s/he needs to fill the stereotypes.

Listening to this interview, I had no idea who most of the hip-hop artists she listed were. She talked about Roxanne Shante, who she said was one of the earliest female rappers to break the ice.



I also don't understand why these women will try to break out in this industry that has limited their movement and makes them fit into one of two categories. Or at least, why they don't try to do more, or aren't more vocal about trying, to break these molds.

The Time Magazine interview relates to the assumption that media matters. The media play a critical role in teaching us about the world. It seems that mainstream Hip-Hop today is a misleading form of media because everything that gets played on the radio and that people listen to is the stereotypical Hip-Hop "where people are just rhyming about killing everybody who gets in their way and never caring about a woman". There are rappers that are doing it just to sell. "Even [Jay-Z] has acknowledged that he's "dumbed his music down" so that he can sell records". I don't think listeners realize this though or that what they are hearing is only a small selection of what counts as Hip-Hop.

After reading her interview with Time, I decided to look up Mos Def on YouTube and found an interesting rock the vote campaign with him in it. After watching this, I see how different he is from 50 Cent and other similar artists. It's probably just based on what music I primarily listen to, but I never hear anything about Mos Def, and I feel like there should be a lot more interest taken in him.



EDIT: After class yesterday, I came up with a question/something I don't understand... What on earth is a tip drill? What does that even mean?

Sex Ed

I'm doing research for my gender and sexuality project and found an interesting sex ed video from the 50s. Thought I'd share.





Monday, February 16, 2009

4. Prensky: "Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants"

Marc Prensky begins his piece, "Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants", by saying the cause of the decline of U.S. education is ignored; "Our students have  changed radically. Today’s students are no longer the people our educational system  was designed to teach" (1).    Prensky goes on to say that technology has created a gap between generations; he calls it "a 'singularity' – an event which changes things so fundamentally that there is absolutely no going back" (1).  The introduction of technology, such as television, computers, video games, cell phones, etc., has dramatically changed the lives of students (K through college), who are the first generation to grow up with this technology.  As a result being constantly surrounded by technology "today's students think and process information fundamentally  differently from their predecessors" (Prensky 1).  

Prensky refers to this generation as Digital Natives because "students today are all "native speakers" of the digital language" (1).   On the other hand, those people who are not from this generation, but are interested in technology and have come to use it are known as Digital Immigrants.  He says that while they may learn to use technology, these Digital Immigrants, like real immigrants, retain an accent, that using technology doesn't come naturally to them.  According to Prensky, this remains an issue because "the single biggest problem facing education today is that our Digital Immigrant instructors, who speak an outdated language (that of the pre-digital age), are struggling to teach a population that speaks an entirely new language" (2).  He says that teachers need to change the way they present material because students today can't deal with the slow paced way they currently do.  If something worked for the teacher when they were a student, it will not by any means be guaranteed to work for this new generation of students, and teachers need to be the ones to adapt because technology is such an integral part of the lives of their students.

While reading this, I was wondering who it was supposed to be geared to.  Is it for the immigrant or the native?  Shouldn't the students take some responsibility for paying attention in class, even if it is boring?  I feel like teachers used to not care if students liked the material or not, they had to learn it anyway.

This piece was more about educating students of all ages, than teenagers.  It dealt with the reasons students learn differently due to technology and how teachers tend to resist this.  It relates to the third course assumption that media matters.  Popular culture shapes lives of all Americans whether or not they accept or resist it.  Prensky was saying that students learn differently due to the influence of computers, television, and video games and while the natives celebrate these forms, the immigrants are more hesitant to do so and abandon the methods on which they were raised.

"Digital Immigrants don't believe their students can learn successfully while watching TV  or listening to music, because they (the Immigrants) can't.  Of course not – they didn't  practice this skill constantly for all of their formative years" (3).  I think this is awesome, because my mom was always on my case when I was younger, and even my sister's now, not to do homework or study while watching t.v./listening to music, but I never had any issue with it that she assumed I did, simply because she would never be able to do it.  

Monday, February 9, 2009

3. Hine: The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager

Thomas Hine prefaces his book The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager, by telling a story of how as a teenager he had already started writing this book; the thoughts he had as a high school senior were validated in some ways by many studies he read later in life. In the introduction, Hine states what this book is about: "it's about people in their teens throughout American history - what adults expected of them, how they fit into the world they found, and how they helped shape it as well" (3). Hine says the book isn't supposed to be nostalgic and reminiscent of his teen years, that the only reason he mentioned his 16-year-old self was as a reminder that teenagers are real and that everyone was one at some point.

The first chapter is "The Teenage Mystique" and about contemporary teenagers in general and what they face in terms of laws and rules and how it differs from those in the baby boomers' generation nearly 40 years ago. Adults are both envious of teenagers and afraid of them; "the very qualities that adults find exciting and attractive about teenagers are entangled with those we find terrifying" (Hine 11). Age is seen as the only way to define and classify people; using age as the only factor is the way lawmakers and society give rights equally.

Hine says, "Europeans observed that Americans grew quickly in every way, taking on responsibilities and vices much sooner than their European counterparts" (5). If this is true, how come most European countries have a lower drinking age than America if Americans have to take on more responsibilities earlier? I also didn't understand why, if "adults envy teens for their energy, their freshness, their passion, and they seek to imitate them" (21), teenagers are given such a hard time.

Hine's mentioning of his teenage self relates to the second assumption this class is grounded in - that teenagers are not some alien life form. Hine says he introduced his teenage persona because "his role is to keep reminding me that while this is largely a history of roles and expectations, the teenagers I'm discussing aren't some exotic species - they're real people" (3).

Hine mentions that he doesn't have any teenagers, but "had plenty of offer of help from people who are. 'You can have mine to study' they say, adding that they'll take the kid back in three or four years" (3). I've heard my mom and other people joke about that, but I don't think it's funny. I think it's just another way parents/adults are mean and like to put down their kids. They knew going into it that eventually their children would be teenagers, so they should just deal with it if their kid isn't perfect.

Teenagers who want so desperately to be treated as adults, are given all these rules and laws that try to prevent them from having sex, or smoking and drinking. Teenagers know these things are associated with being an adult, so of course they do them to rebel or to be older. Parents try to stop their kids from having sex, even though they are in their prime and hormones are surging within them. No matter what, teenagers will have sex if they want to, and parents need to accept this and talk to their teens so they do it responsibly.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

2. Media Literacy

Article - Got to this one through Media Lit. I found it to be an interesting article; I have certainly noticed a lot of people smoke in movies, and I know from experience that when I see people smoking in movies I want a cigarette really bad (and it really sucks because I quit a month ago).

Media Literacy
- This one is chock full of links regarding all different types of topics and issues surrounding the media and helpful information for teachers. And who doesn't like free stuff?

About-Face - This one was good. It's about harmful media messages, aimed at women and girls, and the influence they have on self esteem and body image. I particularly enjoyed the Gallery of Offenders; I haven't seen have the ads they have listed and they are outrageous (especially #9). On the other side of it, they have a Gallery of Winners, showing the ads that have taken the right approach (a winner!). They also have a place for readers to send in their own thoughts and images they have found (positive and negative).

Found this (along with others) through the about-face site [Other Links]
Media Watch - "Our goal is to challenge abusive stereotypes and other biased images commonly found in the media. Media Watch, which began in 1984, distributes educational videos, media literacy information and newsletters to help create more informed consumers of the mass media. We do not believe in any form of censorship, especially the silencing of marginalized groups. We believe education will help create a more active citizenry who will take action against commercial media saturation." They also provide a list of links to check out. [Resources]

Women in Media - "Women In Media & News, a media analysis, education and advocacy group, works to increase women's presence and power in the public debate. WIMN's POWER Sources Project provides journalists with a diverse network of female experts. "

Women's Media Center
- "The Women’s Media Center makes women visible and powerful in the media. Led by our president, the Emmy-winning journalist, writer, and producer Carol Jenkins, the WMC works with the media to ensure that women’s stories are told and women’s voices are heard. We do this in three ways: through our media advocacy campaigns; by creating our own media; and by training women to participate directly in media. We are directly engaged with the media at all levels to ensure that a diverse group of women is present in newsrooms, on air, in print and online, as sources and subjects." [about]

Safety Net
- This comes from the American Academy of Pediatrics website. It's a resource for parents on how to keep their children (teens too) safe on the internet. Like the others it's full of links for them to click on to learn more. The AAP also has a campaign called Media Matters that works to make parents, children, and even pediatricians aware of the influence the media has on adolescent health.

1. Christensen: "Unlearning the Myths That Bind Us"

In "Unlearning the Myths That Bind Us," Christensen writes of her own experiences and issues with American media, along with teaching her students to view it critically. She "wants [her] students to question [the] accepted knowledge and the secret education delivered by cartoons as well as by the traditional literary canon" (127). Disney movies and Saturday morning cartoons are not being critically assessed by children; they unknowingly accept the subtle (or not so subtle) stereotypes and grow up believing them to be true. Girls start believing women cannot have brains and beauty, Ursula is the evil sea witch from The Little Mermaid and while she's smart, she's ugly (130), and if a girl wants to be happy, it "means getting a man, and transformation from wretched conditions can be achieved through consumption - in their case, through new clothes and a new hairstyle" (133). On the same token, boys learn that "men must be virile and wield power or be old and the object of 'good-natured' humor" (131).

Christensen also makes a point to say that people should not just make note of and realize these stereotypes are in place, but should try to enact change. She does not think it is enough to teach the students "that it's enough to be critical without taking action[.] That we can quietly rebel in the privacy of the classroom while we practice our writing skills, but we don't really have to do anything about the problems we uncover, nor do we need to create anything to take the place of what we've expelled" (134). As a teacher, her goal is to mold her students' critical thinking skills, while using it to incite them into action and strive for change.

I didn't really have any issues comprehending this reading. I suppose I don't really understand how people can honestly take cartoons or Disney movies for example so seriously, especially the outdated ones Christensen was writing about. Peter Pan is from the early 1900s and Walt Disney's version is from 1953, obviously Wendy is viewed as the mother and it's the only role she has to fill. Even her examples of newer cartoons - Aladdin, Pocahontas, and Mulan are 10 years old. Now everything has to be so politically correct that kids watch animals, or even inanimate objects (like cars), fall in love and what sexist or racist lesson could kids possibly learn from cars?

This reading relates to the 3rd assumption the course is shaped by, that media matters. She says, "many students don't want to believe that they have been manipulated by children's media or advertising...they assure me that they make their own choices and the media has no power over them - as they sit with Fubu, Nike, Timberlands or whatever the latest fashion rage might be" (128). Teenagers and youth are ruled by the norms presented by the media; whether they accept or reject them, their lives are still being dictated.

I grew up watching Winnie the Pooh, Barney, and Sesame Street, all popular children's shows, but Christensen doesn't address them. Instead she discusses now outdated programs; some of which are no longer on television, yet Sesame Street has been on the air for 40 years. I guess it must be doing something right or she would've mentioned it as being detrimental to the psyche of growing children.

Lucky Number Thirteen

I learned the truth at 13. No...wait...that was Janis Ian, and she was 17.

Hmmm, I guess I don't really remember the beginning of my teenage years. I turned 13 a couple months into 8th grade at BMS (Barrington Middle School of course), so I guess it was 2001. Oh yeah, I remember making a big deal because my brother's high school open house was the same night as my birthday, and of course it would be an outrage if my parents went to that and skipped out on celebrating my 13th birthday. Overall it was pretty uneventful.

Back then I was still playing softball, and the summers were awesome playing All-Stars. However, it was totally lame at the same time because my mom was an "assistant" coach. I use the term loosely because in my opinion she never knew what she was talking about, but I'm only her daughter so I guess my thoughts about it didn't matter.

Thinking hard, I remember that was the year that for practically every book report-type thing we had due, me and like all my friends would just read The Princess Diaries books...it was pretty sweet. I remember I'd go to "parties" at my friend's house, before drinking was the thing to do, and we'd order pizza, watch stupid movies, and play manhunt for all of ten minutes, after which everyone gave up because there was no where to hide (of course they didn't listen to me telling them that from the beginning). Even then I wasn't doing much in school, I mean come on I was in the 8th grade! It doesn't get much cooler than that. Sometimes I wish I did and wasn't such a slacker; that definitely carried on into high school.

I started high school and of course was ignored by my older brother. The last thing he wanted was for people to realize we were related even though it was so completely obvious considering we have the same last name and look so much alike. Sometimes brothers can be stupid.

I wish I had known then, what I know now, even in terms of school material; I would be super smart now. I probably didn't have the greatest of friends, some were good, but others were of the super fake, mean, 13 year-old-girl variety, and that's not good for anyone's self esteem.

But most of all, I wish I had realized what those crushes on my English teachers were really about and why I obsessed over that one Dixie Chick (Emily)... It would have made me more aware about myself and maybe then I wouldn't have felt so uncomfortable all throughout high school trying to be the person I wasn't and I'm not.